Cnf; Memories is how we hold on!

You can’t forget him. He can forget you. John Hatfield’s greased up mechanic look from working, and had the personality of a crazy person.  You don’t walk by and glance, you walk by with your eyes glued on him unable to leave his sight.

            For fun he would give us nicknames from diseases. Elijah was E-coli. Ashley was Ash-tray. Desmin was Desitin. Javione was Jaundice. Lisa was Pissy Sissy. Carly was Cat-Balou, because he never figured out one for her.

            The first time having Mexican food at Carlos Murphy’s he crapped his pants while walking to the car. “No, I’m going to be blowing it up. I’ll wait till I get home,” refusing to go at Carlos Murphy’s. Minutes later... letting loose the wettest, most disgusting fart ever. To realize that it wasn’t just a fart that would be coming out of his butt hole. The brown, runny chunks of poop drained in the brown runny liquid sliding down his legs. Soaking his pants as it all flows to his ankles while he is doing the best he can to shake it out of his jeans. “Eww! You’re so gross. That is nasty.” his sister says laughing so much she almost peed her pants.

            Funny… He liked to catch people off guard by saying the unexpected. Loving… Adored his family to death, they were his everything, that’s mainly why he left. Un-modest… Sprinted around the apartment complex nude at night. Stupid… Grew pot, did drugs, smoked, etc. These are things his sister would explain John as to her kids and anyone who would ask about him. 

            The worst but most shocking surprise he would give the family would be in November 2003.  The chilly breeze through the slightly cracked windows makes that morning even more memorable. Pulling up into a mysteriously silent drive way to be told by the parents “go sit on the grass and wait till we come get you.”  Minutes that seem like hours go by. Joe Tanner’s slowed down, flushed out eyes as he walked to tell us the news. The news we would hope wasn’t true, that this was all a dream. “I’m so sorry, but John is never coming back.” Grabbing all of us for a big hug as all of us broke down in tears. Daddy’s Little Girl now dad less for life, uncle’s little niece no more with her favorite person for life, John’s wife now to be widowed for several years after that. “What, what happened” attempting to hold back the tears the best they could.  “He committed suicide, hung himself in the garage.” Walking away cause he can’t bear the sight of the kids and has to meet the coroner. No words or spoken only the sound of everyone crying.

            He had a wife, a wife who would eventually have enough. He had two kids, two kids who loved him to death and would grow up without him. He had a family, a family who would never stop loving him. He had a life, a life he would at the age 33. He was once with us, but will always in be in our hearts.

Cnf; Sometimes, A Wakeup Call is Needed!

      
         Beep, beep! Ryan opening the text message from Carly. The fine print on her black chocolate touch stating "nothing much" after she asked " what's up?'' The thoughts crap! I should of lied; is she going to figure out some things wrong; should I turn me phone off... Just as the last thought  reaches my mind opening like a new text message.
       Replying back "what's wrong, don't lie to me" my heart sinks as if it were the titanic after it crashed. One minute. No respond. Five minutes. No respond. Thirty minutes. No respond. Attempting to put myself  back to one piece, RING, RING! It's Ryan calling. My shaky frail white fingers barely able to push hard enough on the send button.
       "hello, Hello, HELLO" raising her voice with each hello. "Shh! I heard you the first time" wiping the tears from my soggy cheeks, "come over, I won't say anything over the phone." Not even waiting to hear her say alright on my way I abruptly hang up the phone and immediately do my best to clean myself up.
       Knock, knock. Getting about six steps down the stairs, not even half way, she lets herself in and follows me up my carpeted stairs into my big pink and purple bedroom. Minutes go by, no words are spoken. I kept trying and trying to tell her what's wrong but I can't get the words to come out. She finally speaks up, looking deeply in my eyes " Do I need to start or do you?" Five more minutes more pass by, no words are spoken, the awkward tensions are starting to gradually increase.
        Tears pouring down my face like a downpour. "Ryan, some things wrong. You can't tell anybody and have to promise not to be judge mental at all." Her eyes slowly filling with worry " I promise! what's wrong, whats going on?" Two minutes pass bye. " I need to leave. I need to get out of here, I cant do this anymore... Look at the door, my bags packed. Look on top of the drawer, the notes already been written." seconds pass by, cutting her off " I'm telling you this because I want you to stop me before its too late. I need someone who truely cares about me to be there for me, or Im just going to go." I can see the suprisement  in her eyes and mostly facial reactions. " Omg! Don't leave, you have to stay. I won't let you leave this house. Why would this ever cross your mind? Who is this girl your going to meet and run away with?'' All I can say is " Thank you so much, I love you and I can't tell you!"
        Looking back at all the moments these times have occured I'm so thankful I never did it. I had to realize this because my best friend and cousin Kayla Cornell had ran away from home. Missing for about twenty hours, searching for about five hours, crying and hoping everythings all right 24/7.  Seeing her after all this went down, seeing her mom in tears, seeing how it effected so many of our friends. It's a wakeup call! It's tragic we had to go through this the hard way, but I think we all learned we can't do this to our families or our friends. All she had to do was open the bottled fillings inside her to anyone of her friends or counslers. To say " nothing much" when you really need to talk to someone or need help is the worst thing you can do to yourself.
  

Not Suprising at all, thanks!

    Fake. Just like always. Two-faced. Just like usual. Lying. Just a part of you. Backstabbing. Just so you can fit in and look cool. Follower. Just something that will never leave you. Weak. Just can't stand up for anything. Out of all this, I wonder why I'm so quickly able to forgive you.
    Notice how, I'm always defending or standing up for you. When people call you fat, blonde, and stupid. I'm the one talking and you're in the shadows taking everything to heart. Always telling me how you and I weren't her friends anymore. Then how come the one time over summer I need your support, you aren't there?
How do you feel when you look  in the mirror at the disqusting person you've become? Have fun betraying the friends who truly care about you.