mirror- true thoughts

there's this question "When you look in the mirror are you happy with what you see?". I go back and forth between yes and no, but mainly it's a no. There's days where I just look in the mirror and smile. smile because I love where i'm at in life, whos in it, no problems just pure happiness. that's been fading away lately. Now a days I see some stranger, a mistake, a depressed/messed up kid. all I do is mess up, make a mistake and disappoint my parents. how can you be proud of yourself if your parents aren't of you; they don't trust you, they just see the constant mistakes you make? it's a struggle to put a smile on my face everyday, it just grows faker each time. I got passed my suicidal attempts, it's been awhile. Which I'm proud of but it's not enough. I constantly feel hurt lately. my hearts been broken so many times, i know that's my fault because I love and trust to easy. everyone's like high school relationships are pointless they just end up with hurt feelings. it is true in most cases but not in my parents. I see how happy they are and how much they love each other and us.they made it and are still going strong since highschool. it just makes me want have a Family and be happy like they are. so the realization that I screwed up and hurt them, hurts me so much. I just hope I'm not a reason why they wish try didn't have kids or that they made a mistake by having me.It hurts knowin my parents wanted to send me to military school and might change my school next year if I screw up again. it's a lot to handle, a lot of pain. I've made a lot mistakes in my life, dissapointed and hurt a lot of people. Honestly wish I could change what happened but I can't. I am so sorry for the people I hurt and dissapointed. I just wish someday I'll be able look in the mirror and think "Everything I've been threw was worth it, I love where I'm at an wouldn't change a thing."

Once Bf's, Now Strangers

I flip threw the pages, look threw the pictures, recall old memories.  I remember how close we were, like sisters who were unseperatable. Now look at us, we barely speak, we dont hang out, don't even text. What's happened with us?
You're all buddy buddy with your sister. If you're not with her, you're with your boyfriend or your family.  I hang out with a bunch of people and the few I call best friends. Remember how you stayed a week at my house without going home? Look at us now, we can't even spare three seconds to type "Hi" and push send. I've tried more than once but you never did once. I'm done trying, I dont want to see you, and i'm done being your friend. Hell, you probably wont even notice it, but i'll always know and hopefully you will.
I'm shocked that we seperated so early. Always thought when I was going into college and you were going into senior year was when we'd loose contact not during freshman and sophomore year. Guess things change for a reason. I'm glad we were best friends for so long but I'm sorry that you don't realize that you've also lost a long time friend. You'll figure it out evetually, but it'' be too late. Good luck in life.
Sincerely,
a stranger with memories.

Your eyes(:

Those eyes speak wonder's. I get lost in the smile of them. There always there to comfort and have belief in me. They will support me no matter what and when i make a mistake they let me know 'I could do better and try harder!' What surrounds those amazing, pretty, loving eyes is you!

Alternative Prompt: First kiss!; CNF

She was wearing a white, sparkly long sleeve shirt that barely reached her dark blue jeans. He was wearing gray sweats and a white vans shirt. These kids were perfect for each other, they saw each other every day, and they had everything in common. They loved to play all kinds of sports like Basketball, Soccer, Baseball or Softball and many more; favorite color was blue, green, and red; ride bikes and scooters for fun; went on a rope and tire swing any chance they got; and  the list goes on. They would do the most random stuff, for example Austin pulled up his shirt to wear it looked like a bra. Stuffed each side to the max with leaves, went around singing and dancing to My Milkshake Brings All the Boys to the Yard, even comparing the size of every ones boobs and saying his was the biggest.

            The uneven patches of grass looking as if a couple of six year olds went around chopping at it with school scissors. The rusted up, broken down, wooden table that they securely managed to balance on. The tall, brown, flakey tree that the two kids were under. Taking a slight step backwards to lean his short, skinny body against the tree. His fingers entangling with hers, pulling her body into his. Sliding his hands around her tiny waist until they reach the crease of her back and they interlock. Bringing her body closer and closer to his with each step she took. Stopping one step in front of him so he can’t drag her all the way into him. Unlocking his hands and resting them upon his legs. Turning his head to the right and taking one last breath. Looking back at her he grabs her by the butt and brings her all the way till where their bodies are so close they could hold a magazine between them. Wrapping her arms around his small neck, to make things more comfortable on both of their parts. Eventually moving his hands up to her waist and squeezing her tight, as he makes sure they stay pressed together.

            Getting lost in the smile of each other’s eyes. Taking one last step in, leaning closer and closer. Until the soft, smooth, un-chapped lips of each other’s were pressed together. Thoughts racing threw her head "oh my god I can't believe this is really happening; I think I'm falling in love; he is so cute and an amazing kisser; I don't want this night to end." The thoughts racing threw his head " Damn, it's about time; she is so pretty; really good for her first time; I don't want this night to end." De-puckering are lips to smile and look back into each other’s eyes. Just for a minute later to go back into kissing. Those kids will never forget their first kiss and all the amazing ones to follow after.

Cnf; Memories is how we hold on!

You can’t forget him. He can forget you. John Hatfield’s greased up mechanic look from working, and had the personality of a crazy person.  You don’t walk by and glance, you walk by with your eyes glued on him unable to leave his sight.

            For fun he would give us nicknames from diseases. Elijah was E-coli. Ashley was Ash-tray. Desmin was Desitin. Javione was Jaundice. Lisa was Pissy Sissy. Carly was Cat-Balou, because he never figured out one for her.

            The first time having Mexican food at Carlos Murphy’s he crapped his pants while walking to the car. “No, I’m going to be blowing it up. I’ll wait till I get home,” refusing to go at Carlos Murphy’s. Minutes later... letting loose the wettest, most disgusting fart ever. To realize that it wasn’t just a fart that would be coming out of his butt hole. The brown, runny chunks of poop drained in the brown runny liquid sliding down his legs. Soaking his pants as it all flows to his ankles while he is doing the best he can to shake it out of his jeans. “Eww! You’re so gross. That is nasty.” his sister says laughing so much she almost peed her pants.

            Funny… He liked to catch people off guard by saying the unexpected. Loving… Adored his family to death, they were his everything, that’s mainly why he left. Un-modest… Sprinted around the apartment complex nude at night. Stupid… Grew pot, did drugs, smoked, etc. These are things his sister would explain John as to her kids and anyone who would ask about him. 

            The worst but most shocking surprise he would give the family would be in November 2003.  The chilly breeze through the slightly cracked windows makes that morning even more memorable. Pulling up into a mysteriously silent drive way to be told by the parents “go sit on the grass and wait till we come get you.”  Minutes that seem like hours go by. Joe Tanner’s slowed down, flushed out eyes as he walked to tell us the news. The news we would hope wasn’t true, that this was all a dream. “I’m so sorry, but John is never coming back.” Grabbing all of us for a big hug as all of us broke down in tears. Daddy’s Little Girl now dad less for life, uncle’s little niece no more with her favorite person for life, John’s wife now to be widowed for several years after that. “What, what happened” attempting to hold back the tears the best they could.  “He committed suicide, hung himself in the garage.” Walking away cause he can’t bear the sight of the kids and has to meet the coroner. No words or spoken only the sound of everyone crying.

            He had a wife, a wife who would eventually have enough. He had two kids, two kids who loved him to death and would grow up without him. He had a family, a family who would never stop loving him. He had a life, a life he would at the age 33. He was once with us, but will always in be in our hearts.

Cnf; Sometimes, A Wakeup Call is Needed!

      
         Beep, beep! Ryan opening the text message from Carly. The fine print on her black chocolate touch stating "nothing much" after she asked " what's up?'' The thoughts crap! I should of lied; is she going to figure out some things wrong; should I turn me phone off... Just as the last thought  reaches my mind opening like a new text message.
       Replying back "what's wrong, don't lie to me" my heart sinks as if it were the titanic after it crashed. One minute. No respond. Five minutes. No respond. Thirty minutes. No respond. Attempting to put myself  back to one piece, RING, RING! It's Ryan calling. My shaky frail white fingers barely able to push hard enough on the send button.
       "hello, Hello, HELLO" raising her voice with each hello. "Shh! I heard you the first time" wiping the tears from my soggy cheeks, "come over, I won't say anything over the phone." Not even waiting to hear her say alright on my way I abruptly hang up the phone and immediately do my best to clean myself up.
       Knock, knock. Getting about six steps down the stairs, not even half way, she lets herself in and follows me up my carpeted stairs into my big pink and purple bedroom. Minutes go by, no words are spoken. I kept trying and trying to tell her what's wrong but I can't get the words to come out. She finally speaks up, looking deeply in my eyes " Do I need to start or do you?" Five more minutes more pass by, no words are spoken, the awkward tensions are starting to gradually increase.
        Tears pouring down my face like a downpour. "Ryan, some things wrong. You can't tell anybody and have to promise not to be judge mental at all." Her eyes slowly filling with worry " I promise! what's wrong, whats going on?" Two minutes pass bye. " I need to leave. I need to get out of here, I cant do this anymore... Look at the door, my bags packed. Look on top of the drawer, the notes already been written." seconds pass by, cutting her off " I'm telling you this because I want you to stop me before its too late. I need someone who truely cares about me to be there for me, or Im just going to go." I can see the suprisement  in her eyes and mostly facial reactions. " Omg! Don't leave, you have to stay. I won't let you leave this house. Why would this ever cross your mind? Who is this girl your going to meet and run away with?'' All I can say is " Thank you so much, I love you and I can't tell you!"
        Looking back at all the moments these times have occured I'm so thankful I never did it. I had to realize this because my best friend and cousin Kayla Cornell had ran away from home. Missing for about twenty hours, searching for about five hours, crying and hoping everythings all right 24/7.  Seeing her after all this went down, seeing her mom in tears, seeing how it effected so many of our friends. It's a wakeup call! It's tragic we had to go through this the hard way, but I think we all learned we can't do this to our families or our friends. All she had to do was open the bottled fillings inside her to anyone of her friends or counslers. To say " nothing much" when you really need to talk to someone or need help is the worst thing you can do to yourself.
  

Not Suprising at all, thanks!

    Fake. Just like always. Two-faced. Just like usual. Lying. Just a part of you. Backstabbing. Just so you can fit in and look cool. Follower. Just something that will never leave you. Weak. Just can't stand up for anything. Out of all this, I wonder why I'm so quickly able to forgive you.
    Notice how, I'm always defending or standing up for you. When people call you fat, blonde, and stupid. I'm the one talking and you're in the shadows taking everything to heart. Always telling me how you and I weren't her friends anymore. Then how come the one time over summer I need your support, you aren't there?
How do you feel when you look  in the mirror at the disqusting person you've become? Have fun betraying the friends who truly care about you.