She was wearing a white, sparkly long sleeve shirt that barely reached her dark blue jeans. He was wearing gray sweats and a white vans shirt. These kids were perfect for each other, they saw each other every day, and they had everything in common. They loved to play all kinds of sports like Basketball, Soccer, Baseball or Softball and many more; favorite color was blue, green, and red; ride bikes and scooters for fun; went on a rope and tire swing any chance they got; and the list goes on. They would do the most random stuff, for example Austin pulled up his shirt to wear it looked like a bra. Stuffed each side to the max with leaves, went around singing and dancing to My Milkshake Brings All the Boys to the Yard, even comparing the size of every ones boobs and saying his was the biggest.
The uneven patches of grass looking as if a couple of six year olds went around chopping at it with school scissors. The rusted up, broken down, wooden table that they securely managed to balance on. The tall, brown, flakey tree that the two kids were under. Taking a slight step backwards to lean his short, skinny body against the tree. His fingers entangling with hers, pulling her body into his. Sliding his hands around her tiny waist until they reach the crease of her back and they interlock. Bringing her body closer and closer to his with each step she took. Stopping one step in front of him so he can’t drag her all the way into him. Unlocking his hands and resting them upon his legs. Turning his head to the right and taking one last breath. Looking back at her he grabs her by the butt and brings her all the way till where their bodies are so close they could hold a magazine between them. Wrapping her arms around his small neck, to make things more comfortable on both of their parts. Eventually moving his hands up to her waist and squeezing her tight, as he makes sure they stay pressed together.
Getting lost in the smile of each other’s eyes. Taking one last step in, leaning closer and closer. Until the soft, smooth, un-chapped lips of each other’s were pressed together. Thoughts racing threw her head "oh my god I can't believe this is really happening; I think I'm falling in love; he is so cute and an amazing kisser; I don't want this night to end." The thoughts racing threw his head " Damn, it's about time; she is so pretty; really good for her first time; I don't want this night to end." De-puckering are lips to smile and look back into each other’s eyes. Just for a minute later to go back into kissing. Those kids will never forget their first kiss and all the amazing ones to follow after.
I loved this story it was supper cute and it had amazing detail! Not creepy anything, but you felt like you were there watching... The only thing I would fix or look at is the 1 paragraph; When you are talking about all the thing you have in common is making it all flow together! Other than that u thought it was really well done
ReplyDeleteThis story had incredible details. I don't really get why though you put the rusty table and the mentioned the grass in the beginning in the second paragraph.
ReplyDeleteWell this was a good story, good Job! To tell the truth it was a it a bit much showing, a little awkward, but good! One thing you could work on is not putting lists of what you have in common describe them in more detail.
ReplyDeleteCute story. I loved when you said "getting lost into the smile of each others eyes" and you described really well. I would only shorten the first paragraph to only say the parts that matter for the story. I really liked your piece, and i would tell you put a lot of effort into it!
ReplyDeletei love the detail and the suspense especially!
ReplyDeleteyou clarified things really good also. You gave a really good image and i could picture it