Fake. Just like always. Two-faced. Just like usual. Lying. Just a part of you. Backstabbing. Just so you can fit in and look cool. Follower. Just something that will never leave you. Weak. Just can't stand up for anything. Out of all this, I wonder why I'm so quickly able to forgive you.
Notice how, I'm always defending or standing up for you. When people call you fat, blonde, and stupid. I'm the one talking and you're in the shadows taking everything to heart. Always telling me how you and I weren't her friends anymore. Then how come the one time over summer I need your support, you aren't there?
How do you feel when you look in the mirror at the disqusting person you've become? Have fun betraying the friends who truly care about you.
great peice. some things that worked is the bolding what they do and italicized what you did. I didn't see any thing you need to work on
ReplyDeleteI really adore your piece! I love how you use bold and italicized words. They really pack a punch. I think this is a strong piece and that you could only improve it more by adding more words, and elaborating some more on the topic. :)
ReplyDeleteI really liked the way you BOLDED the words. It gave it more effect when you described in the beginning. I think there is too much italicized words, it mat be too much that doesnt add effect. I really like your title. Thanks for sharing!
ReplyDeleteThis is a great piece. I love how you jump right in to your story in your first line. The adjectives in bold make your into very strong.
ReplyDeleteTo make this piece even better, you could alter a few phrases after the bold words. " Just like always", "just like usual", and "just like a part of you" essentially say the same thing- can you alter a couple to explain your word choice? I was also a little confused by the sentence, "I'm the one talking and you're in the shadows taking everything to heart." Can you clarify this statement?
This was a wonderful read- thanks for sharing. :)
*I meant to say "intro", not "into" in paragraph 1. Sorry :/
ReplyDeletei really liked the short sentences in paragraph one. the bold words really have an impact. you can improve on paragraph two when you say your always defending her, because it contradicts what you said in the first paragraph. you were bashing her then you say you defend her. that's it(: good job!
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