The last time I remember having Campbell’s Chunky Chicken Noodle Soup was October 25, 2011. The relaxing smell of a nice steamed up bowl of chicken noodle soup easing my aching stomach. The white chunks of chicken floating around in the yellow soup makes it smell just a tad bit more delightful.
Out of all the shapes and forms it comes in, I only have a can to pleas my appetite. A quote on the can Soup That Eats Like A Meal, that lives up to its saying. A soup that’s both special and full of magic because of the never ending taste of heaven in your mouth. The antibiotic type of quality and spiritual boost your mom gives you in hopes to make you feel better.
In this case, it wasn’t my mom making me it was my friend Vanessa Manzano. The can stating cooked with care in the USA but in reality it’s the person making it for you. She has been my next door neighbor and one of my best friends growing up. She always is so caring, generous, and thoughtful. Offering to make me food or cook me something whenever, most importantly when I’m sick.
Scraped clean bowl, no more soup. It’s all digested in my stomach by now. I finally feel good; no bad after taste; the wanting to puke sensation is finally gone. Then a couple hours go by, the healing power is faded and I’m back to before. Sick, wanting to throw up, and in bed hoping for this to finally go away. All of this reminding me how much I love chicken soup and the person who is kind enough to make it for me.
The third paragraph doesn't follow with the rest of the piece. Its more showing than telling, I feel like you can adjust it differently. its important that you include she made the but change it to say, "instead of my Mom slaving over the stove, my caring friend Vanessa, cooked sizzling soup on the burners." Or something like that, but not as cliche. Thank you!
ReplyDeleteThe third paragraph doesn't fit with your topic. Maybe change it to where you mention your friend in the second paragraph along with our mom. Also in your last paragraph, try making the sentence that starts "then a couple hours after..." flow better. It seems to not be relevant. Keep showing! Great job :)
ReplyDeleteI love your story. It makes me feel all snuggly inside on a cold day. In the 4th paragraph when you start it with "scraped clean bowl" I think your starting with a fragment. But otherwise I loved it. Thanks for sharing.
ReplyDelete